Only one good thing happened to me this year, and it was on fools day so I feel a fool just thinking about it

Hi again

Hi, Its me again. Forgot to mention some things in my other post. Wish I had a gun. Nothing worked this year. I'm still fuckin at home and still alone and lonely. This is the worst year yet for me. Its funny when you try a devout goth in a church. This is fuckd. I wanna get out of here. Too much fakeness. This place is supposed to be spiritual but I only feel sluttier by the second. I wish there was someone I could text to feel a lot better. I want cake and chocolate. My fingers hurt from pepper, good earplugs are home. Someone rescue me!!

Shitty 2011

This year sucked and I just cant wait for it to be over.
Stuck in a church, because my mum thinks its appropriate to be in church every 31st but all I wanna do is cuddle in bed and obsess over the new cell I just got. I dont wanna regret it cus I feel like I let my sis waste her money on it. But it was pretty cute and right now the only thing I want from God is for the freaking phone to work properly. It keeps going off. God pls, this is me officially asking for one final 2011 gift. I didn't get anything cool this year and I pray I dont regret this new phone. And my email is empty as usual, my life is boring, and I'm pissed at life. My sis is sad, I dont wanna be here.. Goodbye 2011.

Big Sis

Its her birthday in less than a week. Wish I could do something big for her. I love my big sis and best friend... One awesome person. :* :*

My Pancake Tale

I love pancake. Not the Nigerian pancake tho. I like the chewy, creamy , flavoured standard pancake. With time, I had perfected my own pancake receipe, sifting, right amount of baking powder, milk, sugar, banana, tasty pancake I could eat anytime. They liked it. When I made the first batch of an improved receipe, everybody said it tasted good, but I felt like it was missing something, So I improved on it a little added honey and they still thought it was delicious but I didn't feel that way still. I thought it lacked flavour and they were just being nice to me. So I went ahead and got more ingredients to make the third receipe. It was terrible. Too big, too fluffy, not creamy enough but then again, they ate it all. I wonder if It'll taste better if someone else made it or maybe with a new receipe, but I'll keep trying till I totally love it.

(Random post)

Book Review wednesday - Cherry Adair - Take Me

After a rather unhealthy dose of Mary Higgins Clark's suspense novels, I decided to indulge my self in old delights and tingle my toes a little with a good romance novel and no it wasn't just romance I found on the fabulous online read site, it was harlequin blaze. I decided to finally join the reading site today and I was glad I did. This novel Take Me was a cleary needed refreshment from the books I read lately. So today I read the beautiful love story of Joshua and Jessie. This story almost made me cry at a point. It was like there was something special in it. I'm not a big fan of blaze anymore but this was definitely a good read and I enjoyed every finger licking part of it. Really delightful and breathtaking.

Book Review - Tuesday - Mary Higgins Clark Weep No More My Lady

Need I say the title is adapted from a song? Classic Mary Higgins Clark. I read this book from Monday to Tuesday also making it the second MHC in one day and third M.H.C's I read. I read this book with mixed feeling after I had read a bad review online and also knowing the end before I even read the beginning. It was about two poor sad sisters who ran away from home and made it years later in New York and years later, the elder of the two Leila was supposedly murdered by her fiance Ted. Elizabeth, the younger sister was the sole witness to the case. The story was in the space of a week majorly in a spa with unexpected twists and turns guiding to the shocking end. I personally dont find the plot strong enough but I like the way every character had secrets even the main character Elizabeth. Touching story.

Book Review -Monday - Mary Higgins Clark You Belong To Me

I wonder why Mary Higgins Clark always makes a song the title of her books. You belong to me... I really dont find the title catchy I wouldn't have read it if I wasn't bored and if it was by any other author but its Mary Higgins Clark! How could I possibly resist? This book is about a woman Dr. Susan, a psychologist and a radio host. It all started when she talked about vanishing women and ways women can protect themselves and what leads to women vanishing, with a guest psychiatrist and author of a book 'vanishing women' on the show. In the usual Mary Higgins Clark twist, there was a killer, a man who enjoyed killing lonely, vulnerable women on cruises after sweet talking them to come away with him and giving them a cheap 10bucks turquoise ring with the inscription, 'you belong to me' in it. Dr Susan began to investigate the disappearance of the woman she used as a case study on her show after a mistery caller claimed to have experienced something
similar while on a cruise and also to have a picture and the turquoise ring described on the show, the caller agreed to meet susan but never showed up. Leading to deaths and making Dr Susan the next victim.

The book contains a lot of secrets. You have to read the book to fully understand and enjoy it. Half way through the book I could guess who the culprit was and right I was. This book is shocking, captivating but contains too much details, too much 'cameo' characters. It was kind of sluggish at a point and any Mary Higgins Clark think alike could easily guess the end like I did. I also read this online from 1pm to 7pm (interrupted).. :)

Book Review - Sunday - Mary Higgins Clark I'll Walk Alone.

Quiet sunday evening, boring as ever. I decided to do a little light reading even though I have read most of the novels in the study except two sci-fi's (not in the mood for those yet. I decided to try my luck a do what I do best; google to see if I would find any novel to read online. I was quite luck to come across a 'totally free' site where I also luckily found a book by Mary Higgins Clark. By far one of my favourite writers; I started reading her when I was 10. My first book was actually All around town by her also. Extremely happy and refusing to believe my luck, I began to read I'll walk alone some minutes after I got over my excitement of finding a free online open read. From 8pm to 3.31am I was tangled up in the brilliantly spun web of the book. I read with mixed feelings, sadness at the fact that the character had noone to truly trust her, noone to help share her agony. Everyone thought she kidnapped her own son. I felt tortured with the
character. Confusion. I've never read a book without pinning down the criminal before reaching half the book. Everybody was a suspect. Love. The bond between mother and child. Pity. Glory trapped in a world she didn't want. Regretting her actions and suffering alone. And finally shock at the last pages of the book. I felt a urge to go back the previous chapters and read about the character, the way the cards were carefully played. This book was worth every bit of my time. I could never guess. Though it felt so unreal for one person to go through all that pain alone. I wish Mary Higgins Clark had just cut Zan a slack. Wonder how she managed to remain sane.

Trouble

Seconds... Minutes... Hours... Days... Months. Time is ticking slowly yet running fast. I think of where I want to be and where I am. Two totally different worlds. I Know nothing is worth it but I'm waiting to watch it end. Like a movie, a horror movie but I have no remote. My diary is gone, I think I bored him. I pray I find a new one soon but one that wouldn't glow at me, then again I'm stuck here and I know I might never get a new one. I miss him though. :(

Wizkid

Is it just me or does wizkid never takes off his shades? I'm beginning to doubt he actually has eyes -that thing we all humans have- I doubt it.

Wake Up!

I remember posting something about not wanting to ever wake up again on twitter last wednesday or so. Well I had three replies. Someone sent a sadly, someone said I shouldn't say that, Someone said I should sleep by a snake. When I meant sleep then, I actually meant die, but now I just realized a different kind of sleep I actually enjoy.

I like to lay on my bed a lot, just to think and most times I imagine. I imagine what life could be like if this was this and this wasn't this and if that could only be that. This is actually the time I have the most fun, when I close my eyes and just let fantasy take over and I have all I want so easily and that feeling is so irreplaceable and satisfying. The world is mine to control in the confines of my tiny mind, I kill who I want and spare who I please, the moment when the world bows and becomes entirely mine [sips coke], mine alone! But then
_
_
_
_
I snap out of it, i'm in my little bed, in my white room all alone and contesting 'who owns the night' with mosquitoes, my skin is sticky from sweat. There's no electricity and the room is stuffy but I still smile because I know my reality would soon catch up with my dream.

'I'll like to sleep and never wake up, because my dream is better than reality.'

One day my dream will be my reality. :o)

[well, there's electricity and its 2.30am already. Reality runs fast I presume. Time to sleep. XX]

Humans are not you, you're A single entity, 1 human.

The other day on an interactive site, I had a bit of a [fix important word here] with a guy. I dont know his name, what he looks like. I dont know if He exists or if I dreamed him up but I know He'll never ever talk to me again.

It started with this 'Love is beautiful'. That was his update of which I replied. 'Love is a myth, dont be fooled. There's only one love, the love God has for man'.

He then asked me 'why do you say so?'

Me: because its true. Lust it is, not love.

Him: you're right. So You dont believe in love?

Me: yea.


Him: so you're a fan of lust.

Me: No.

Him: thats a lie. You dont see somebody and just want to have the person?


Me: no. I dont lust after people. I dont put myself in line for emotional torture.

Him: You're lying. Everybody feels lust.

Me: well then, hello! I'm not everybody.

Him: so what do you think of when you see some guy you like? Since you dont believe in love, dont you want to just have sex and go your way?

Me: Well, I'm probably thinking does he like me back, not trying to get into his pant.

Him: So what if he likes you back and you start hanging out and you like eachother and then he wants to get down, What then?

Me: firstly, I wont like someone that'll want to get down.

Him: you dont understand what I'm saying.

Me: you dont understand me but I understand you.

Me: What I mean is, there's something that'll make me like a guy, something I see in him, for him to like me back it means we share mutual beliefs, thoughts, feelings so there's no way I'll still be friends with someone that'll eventually want to get down. You get?

Him: what if you want it too? Dont tell me you wont want to do it too.

Me: well, I wont.

Him: Smh. Ok have you kissed before?

Me: huh yeah, So what?

Him: Did he force you?

Me: No.

Him: you see, you both wanted it and you kissed. What if you both wanted to get down.

Me: I cant want to get down with someone.

Him: you're just childish. So you've never wanted to EVER!

Me: my beliefs are my beliefs. Do you still eat sand?

At this point, he said some offensive things that I shut out of my memory. All I wanted to prove to him was, he doesn't chew sand like he used to as a child anymore because he grew up and out of it. So also have I grown out of some certain 'feelings'.

Different folks, different strokes. You cant go judging a whole universe based on the few people that surround you.


Because people do it doesn't mean everybody does it too or doesn't mean its right to do it.


Sex is overrated.
Love is a myth.

Safe sex is NO SEX!

Bucket or Not?

I'll shamefully admit I haven't seen the movie 'bucket list' but from what I hear people say it goes pretty well with what I'm about to post, which is, 'things I'll like to do, own, achieve before I die.'
Thats pretty much a bucket list yeah??

First on my list as I made it late 2010 after Deba hurt me is : 'H A P I N E S S'
Yes. That pretty much says it all. I want to be happy.

Second on that list I made back then is : 'S I N G L E'
I'd like to still be single when I die because that way not too many people would be hurt (note: 2010 thoughts)

Third on the list is : 4 W H E E L S.
A vintage four wheel drive is the third and last item on my list.

I know that was probably the shortest bucket list in the world, or maybe it isn't even a bucket list afterall, but that pretty much sums it all up. I dont ask for too much from life, Just happiness and happiness could come in different shapes and sizes. I dont care if I own a mink, or a house on the beach, or an Island in the middle of nowhere, or a house on a hill (which would be nice tho. Jk), I dont care if I live in a hut or under the nearest bridge where darkness traps me. I dont care about those things, so long I'm happy on the beach or under the bridge. Happiness for me is not measured materially. And whatever is my source of happiness in the future is fine by the present me. I dont need a bucket list to guide my life when I have God and Me. So all in all, I want to die happy. I want to die satisfied with the path life had guided me through. I want to die knowing I enjoyed the life life gave me.
I want to die peacefully, contented with whatever I'm left to, with whatever height I've attained. I want to die knowing that I lived to the fullest. And every other thing my heart desires now, those things wont stand a chance near the happiness I'm hoping for.


The greatest achievement of all is Happiness. Money cant buy it. Fame and fortune cant.


But I'll still want that vintage ride, it's been on my mind since I was 10.

I hope this made a point.

Dropped On My A*S*S

These titles just come to me, I really dont know what I'm about to type but I really hope it matches the title.
And I Finally have 6 followers *sigh* -_- Thanks to y'all. God bless.

I feel like blogging is going to make my death worthwhile. Dont understand it so I cant explain why.



This month has fed me full with disappointments, I haven't blogged because I'm trying not to cry over anything. I'm being optimistic like Platoziwitc (imaginary friend) taught me to. But life hasn't been fair to me. I've prayed, I've been a really good girl but it's like failure and unhappiness are stalking me. I'm even beginning to believe my life is pointless again. I hope Platoziwitc doesn't read this. Its hard to explain anything, the dream is there, the passion is there, but something always goes wrong. I console myself with the saying 'failure draws you nearer to success' I wonder how far this success is tho, I'm aging by day if Mr. Success doesn't know so when am I finally going to be drawn to success. When!? How am I sure I'm even being drawn by the right rope of failure ( all gibberish, if you ask me). I'm confused, one minute I give up, the next I'm hoping and praying again. I just failed the fifth time, the fucking fifth time! I tried I swear I did, but its like I'm not trying hard. But I am. All the no sleeps, the extra work, nothing came out of it. Just one more record of failure (I need a drink).

And then there's the issue I try to pretend isn't there, loneliness. I'm effin lonely, I dont have any friends anywhere. I could go a month without receiving any phone call not even one or even a text message, I could keep tweeting till forever without getting one single reply. I went off twitter for a month and got only 6 mentions. Only four people noticed my absence. Like seriously tho! What am I? Everybody's +1 friend. Its so unpleasant. And to think I'm going through all these emotional suicidal moments with only I and God (Thats if God still listens to me anymore) alone. I need a friend as much as I hate to admit it. And this blog would probably be just another. Nobody reads them. *sigh* I'm used to being dropped on my a*s*s. Over and over again, nobody listens, I've become a shadow, they know I'm there but they dont care . I mean do you care about shadows? Nope, na No! You totally dont, nobody does. I'm a shadow now.

Then there's the boy I like (*kmt*) dont even wanna go there right now, else I'll cry and wish I was pretty and I'd wish I had all the pretty things and I'd wish I cared about girly stuff because thats the kinda girl he wants, thats the kinda girl everybody wants, and I'm far from the girl of his dreams. I'm the girl of nobody's dreams (deep breath) :o) oh well, the smile hides it all.


And I didn't cry while typing this too.
(totally useless post btw maybe when I die people would read this. Who knows?)

WHEN THE COFFEE FADES AND THE HEADACHE SETS IN

I was programmed to withstand pressure. Or at least thats what I choose to believe. Tuesday morning and my body is telling on me, I spent the entire night studying and drowning in undrying cups of coffee. I've never really felt this much fear towards anything in my entire life, and this fear of failure has become my daily motivation and drive to work towards success. I'm investing through my hardwork with the hope to reap something succulent and satisfactory in the end but the fear that motivates me to work harder also drags me back down as I bury myself deep in what if's, spending the better part of my time anticipating the worst. The fear of failure can be my red carpet to what I fear the most FAILURE itself but I find it hard to pull myself out of the well of doubt that threatens to flood all reasonable thoughts in my head, making me more vulnerable. So now I conclude that though the presence of fear of failure cannot be brushed aside with shaky hands, It is up to I to draw the plan and prepare to fight and not only to fight, to also defeat failure. One more cup of coffee, I step closer to greatness.

Run3 replies to Darey Art Alade: RIP Sam Loco Efe...gone too soon...- Tweetply Rumour or not

3 replies to Darey Art Alade: RIP Sam Loco Efe...gone too soon...- Tweetply

Is Olivia Wilde Going To Play Porn Star Lovelace?

E! Online reports that Olivia Wilde is interested in playing Deep throat star Linda Lovelace in an upcoming biopic, saying 'I'm being careful about my next project since I'm now in a position where I can be really picky.'

The deep throat star who is credited with helping to bring porn to mainstream in the 1970s already has one biopic in the works starring Malin Akerman, but this is a new project for co-director Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Fredman.

Source: E!


~~khey~~

Harry Potter 7b

Harry Potter 7b finally released on 15th July, 2011.

The battle finally came to an end in an epic 2hr 10minutes.
It was awesome watching it at the cinema. The show started with Harry at dobby's grave. That was a really sad beginning. Then the search to find the remaining horcruxes in other to destroy Voldemort. Hermione, Ron and Harry then proceeded to breaking into Bellatrix's Vault at Gringotts to steal the horcrux cup belonging to Helg Hufflepuff. With Hermione impersonating Bellatrix Lestranges. After retrieving the cup and flying away on a dragon. Harry later deducts that a horcrux was somewhere hidden in hogwarts. Dumbledore's brother helps them get to hogwarts with Neville longbottom's help. On getting to hogwarts, Severus is forced to leave. Harry's presence in Hogwarts makes the school Voldemort's next target. Voldemort threatens to destroy hogwarts. Ron and Hermione set to destroy the horcrux while Harry goes in search of the second Diaden of Rowena Ravenclaw. The Diadem destroys in an inferno. Voldemort gets desperate and leaves with the snake Nagini the last horcrux. Believing the elder wand answers only to Severus Snape, kills Snape. Harry later found out from snape's memory that Snape was a spy for Dumbledore and was loyal to the good cause. Harry then confronts Voldemort. Voldemort believes Harry Is dead after casting the killing spell on him, but only the part of Voldemort that resides in Harry a horcrux Voldemort never intended to create is destroyed. Harry wakes up somewhere strange and sees Dumbledore who tells him He has to return to his body as the killing spell has no effect on him because Voldemort took his blood.
Harry returns shortly after Voldemort declares victory in Hogwarts. This leads to another round of battle between Harry and Voldemort.
Neville Longbottom proceeds to kill Nagini the snake and last Horcrux and Harry defeats Voldemort.
Harry later reveals that the Elder wand answered to him and not to Severus Snape.
19 years Later, Harry, Ron and Hermione are at the train station with their children shipping them away for their first year in Hogwarts.

It was fun watching this, just the perfect ending. That ended seven awesome years of Harry Potter. I'll miss Voldemort tho. ^_^



~~khey~~

How to love - Lil wayne

Released sometime in May this year, this song by lil wayne remains one of my favourite songs yet. I like the new Lil wayne, he's kinda cool headed or is it just me? Or does prison do that to you? Who knows? Anyways this song is still top on my playlist and I'm probably recording my own version pretty soon. Watch out for that. You haven't heard it yet? Oh my then you better DOWNLOAD IT HERE!
Enjoy!

BIG BROTHER AFRICA AMPLIFIED FINALE. WINNERS ANNOUNCED.

The show has finally come to an end. The results were unexpected and left a lot of people ranting. The night ended with Wendall and Karen both pronunced winners of the Big Brother Africa Amplified.

Details of the show as gathered from big brother's official twitter account.

The show began with Ik {the host} stepping into the house with the remaining seven contestants of the competition.


Ik then asked Lomwe about his one true in the house
'I Put my feelings out there for Hanni and she said she couldn't.
Hanni's response 'He's a sweet guy'

Vimbali says 'There's really nothing there when speaking about nibbles'

'if I had to go back to big brother, I'd live my life the same way' says Kim.

'Millicent says going to tails house was her breaking point in the game'

The evening was spiced up by performances from Nigerian Artist@wizkidayo: and @MoCheddaH also CPWAA.

Vina was first to be evicted after which she collapsed on stage when she sees her loved one.

Next to be evicted was Hanni. Luclay bursts into tears when Hanni was called out and then all of them were asked to leave the house. Amidst all the excitement, Luclay asks Lomwe to go back for his bottle in the fridge.

That left the top five amplified housemates on stage.

The sleeping hours and the workout are what
Wendall said He struggled with most.

Next to be evicted was Sharon o and Lomwe.

Three house mates remained on stage. - Karen, Luclay and Wendall.

After a performance by Fally Ipupa, Luclay is declared the Third, leaving Karen and Wendall to battle for the first position.

Thereafter, Karen and Wendall are declared the winners of Big Brother Africa Amplified leaving viewers and fans shocked.
And that brings an end to 91days of the show. We sure will miss the contestants.

~~khey~~

Bba Amplified (BIG BROTHER AFRICA AMPLIFIED)

Day 91, Week 13. The finale of big brother Africa Amplified. Today is going to be the day the deserving housemate wins. With only seven finalist remaining in the house. Catch the finale on DStv channel 198 19:00 CAT. Voting has been officially closed. Now we just wait and watch with our fingers crossed and hope the best man or woman wins the prize money 200, 000USD..

New Nigerian rock artist: clAy

clAY real name
Bianca Ada Okorocha, 21, is a Student of Business Administration at Lagos State University. Clay as she's known is a new rock act that threatens to take Nigeria by storm. We have very few rock artists in Nigeria and this young miss is definitely bringing something new and long awaited into the industry. With her new single download here already making waves on Tv station and radio, you cant help but notice her uniqueness. One can expect a whole lot from this young artist. Follow her on twitter @clayrocksu for more information and support.

I love you clay. :*
~~khey~~

Lone wolf. *All Alone*

Friday 7th 7:21pm

'Too tight?' The mirror looks so tiny, I cant see my legs, but my boobs look too exposed. Shelby barked. I guess I'll take that as a no. I look out the window, Delan isn't here yet. I'm so excited. It's my birthday tomorrow. Delan and I are having dinner after which I'll probably force him to go shopping with me but he's not here yet.

7:25pm
oh! I finally hear Delan's car parking out front. My heart skips a beat. I love Delan so much. He's walking towards the porch, I'm looking at him through the window. I clutch my purse and smile as he comes in. He doesn't look too good.
'what's wrong?' I ask. He probably wants to skip dinner.

7:50pm
My feet is really cold. I dont want to turn of the air conditioner. I wrap my blanket tighter. Its going to be a boring birthday tomorrow with Delan gone. He was my only friend. I still dont know why he broke up with me though. He obviously forgot my birthday. I'll be fine. Where's Shelby?. . .

1:00am Saturday.
I take a gulp of milk straight from the bottle. If momma was alive she would scold me for that. I miss Mom and Dad. They left me alone. My phone is so silent. Nobody has called yet or Is my clock too fast? I look over at the walk clock. No its not. I guess nobody cares or remembers or even cares to remember. Dragging my self back to bed. I miss Delan already. Still cant believe he broke up with me maybe thats why he hasn't called yet.

1:00pm Saturday
Big puff and the candles go off.
'I'm 24 today' my voice echoes. Shelby barks.

'Enjoy the meal' I smile. A piece of cake is healthy. Just a treat for today. Shelby doesn't like cake. I shrug. Do dogs eat cake? Shelby is making a lot of noise with his meal. What to do with the rest of the cake?

2:36pm Saturday
I'm driving through the highway. The cake is wrapped in foil. I'm going to the orphanage. Then I'll stop by the old people's home to visit Pa Simone and Madam Peckworth. Pa's stories would have to do today. I park and pull out my cheque book.

2:50pm Saturday
Hmmm... Nice hair miss orphanage attendant. I smile at her, she smiles back.
'Good Afternoon' I say. Even though nothing is good about this afternoon.

3:00pm Saturday
Cake gone. Money gone. I'm driving to the home now. My phone is so silent today. Not even a beep. I guess nobody at work looked at the calender.





6:00pm Saturday
Tv. Boring. Delan hasn't called, nobody has. Oh well. No tears baby. Dont cry. I lay on the couch. My noodles has gone cold. No appetite.
'Here Shelby' He could use the dinner more than me. I look at the clock. 6:07pm Today seems too long. I cant go to bed now, its too early. I Turn off the tv, let it watch me for a change. Now smiling at it. This is weird.

6:15pm

I cant seem to find this T-shirt. I know it's here somewhere. I Pour out all my clothes from the drawer. Oh where are you? Next drawer. Nothing. Third I find it. Delan's jersey. I smile and sniff it. Smells just like him. No i'm not gonna cry. I put it on. I feel awkward, sad and happy. I jump into bed grinning.

7:37pm
note to self, never read a romance novel after a harsh break up. I drop the book. I still cant sleep. Turn on my radio. Blues no. More blues. No thanks. Reggae. I'll pass. Rock. Too noisy. Hip hop. Cool. Distracting.

Sunday 9th. 10:00am.
I must have been more tired than I realized. My phone is off. I left the radio on all night. I plug it and look in the mirror. 'Hello there No church?' i'm too late. Damn! I'm hungry. Shower first.




12:15pm
T-shirt and jeans. No make up. The breeze blowing my hair. I feel like i'm in a movie. I get to the restaurant and order the usual.




12:26pm
I pay and say goodbye. . . The street is really busy. I could have taken shelby for a walk. A car driver by really fast. I want to scream at the driver but I dont. I pass by the bakery and inhale the assaulting aroma. Smells good but always tastes bad. I chuckle. Staring into the flower shop. It Always looks so colourful. I bump into someone and start to apologize. I wasn't looking.

Lone Wolf *forever alone*

12:35pm
'I'm sorry' I say and look up. It's Delan. He's wearing the blue shirt I gave him. Blue always looks good on him.
'It's ok Sherry' He says and smiles. 'How are you?' He asks.
'I'm fine' I smile back. What do you care?

12:37pm
He's walking away. I start to cross the road. I turn around and call him back. He turns and stares at me. Time to do what I see movies.
'It was my birthday yesterday' I say walking with my back. He begins to speak, I lift a finger. I dont wanna hear it. He looks stunned, thats enough for me. I smile then I hear a horn behind me. I turn around as fast as I can a truck is heading straight at me. Seconds away. I cant move. I'm stunned. Staring wide eyed. Is it going to hit me? I hear Delan scream my name. Its too late. I feel the impact of the fender colliding with my abdomen. Oh it hurts. I'm flying and screaming. I Land on the pavement. My back, my leg. Everywhere hurts. People screaming. I can hear Delan shout. But whats he saying. I cant move. I feel something really cold. Its my blood trickling into my eyes. I cant keep my eyes open. The voices so loud slowly fading away. Where's Shelby?

12:40:15pm

I see a white light, its so bright.

~~THE END~~

Random thought

Gmail gets really annoying and so frustrating. Every message is a spam. Smh cant send my actual post now because it seems google is having pms and not delivering my mail. This is with yahoo btw.. -____-

Bow wow, miss joie & Shai Moss

Hoe My Gawd. Bow Wow's baby mama is a hoe.

Yup yup I said it. I'm sure you know by now that bow wow has a daughter named Shai moss. Joie Chavis, the video vixen and show girl is his baby mama. Its shocking to hear though. Cus she's a slut as far as I know. I mean google miss Joie and you get nudes of her. Is that who our charming little bow wow hooked up with? Like seriously, my heart broke when I heard he had a daughter and then I did some research on the twenty-one year old mother. :| She's a hoe. Who sleeps with a video vixen!?? A show girl!!? Yup yup our very own suicidal bow wow. Its good to know though that the baby has changed his perspective on life and he isn't thinking about suicide anymore. And oh shai is so cute just like her dad. Imagine a seven years old Shai seeing magazines of her mum with no clothes on. Epic stuff. :|
Chavis doesn't even wanna include bow wow's name in the birth certificate cus according to her he came to the clinic six days after her delivery (emergency c-section btw). Fact is bow wow didn't believe the baby was his until the blood work was done. And now he want the baby all to himself, I dont see that happening tho. I have a feeling these two will end up in court. More drama, more gossip. xox

Whoop! Whoop!

Its monday morning, and I'm feeling so rebellious today. I think I'm finally getting in touch with my teenage side because right now all I want to do is get a nose ring and a tattoo. Maybe, maybe not. Who knows I just might. :)

Who Am I?

No I'm not like every girl. I'm me. You know what makes me different? No you dont. Only I can know that. I'm the kinda girl that never wants anything but I do need everything and I have nothing =>The twist of my mind. I've learnt something this past week. Its easier to be sad than to be happy. At least for me it is. So I choose when to be happy and I'm trying not to cry so often and I'm getting good it and also at hiding my emotions. This past week was revealing. What did I do? Well nothing. I was in my room all through monday. I switched off my phone and laptop. I laid on the floor. And I was there for 24hours. I know right. Thats my life now. Nothing is happening, I'm just drifting. I dont even read anymore. I've read all the novels in the study over three times each. And my textbooks are pretty boring. I went out only once this week. I went to the programmer and tried my hacking skills on some twitter accounts. That didn't go too well though. But
I'll keep trying. :D I cant get arrested by the way. Dont ask why? I dont like bragging. :| well so sunday, thats today I aint doing shit. In bed all day. Ate, slept and now i'm sending emails to my blog. Well my life really is boring. B) I wonder how I stay alive though. I guess you'll never know. I also learnt to appreciate who I am. Thats why i'm sending this mail. Because I have accepted my writing, i'm not trying to be who I aint. Thats what makes me unique innit. I'm me buddies. B)

i'm fine btw.
Just
disappeared.

cheers!!

Whoever said hardwork always pays, lied.

I know a lot of people are braced up and ready to argue with me to death on this, but I'm writing this from my experience in life.
It all started with the baby, that affected her life a whole more than she'll ever admit. Having a child meant going on a maternity leave from work, maybe if she had known she was never coming back, maybe she wouldn't have had the child. It was her second child, five years after the first. The pregnancy hurt, going to work daily was another problem. Her husband barely had enough to feed three, now a fourth member was on its way. She secretly prayed it was a boy. That'll be really nice, having a son for her husband. Maybe then her father will finally agree to their marriage, maybe then her mum will allow her visit or her brother might decide to help them. A boy she hoped for. Well she had a girl and things didn't change, they only got worse. Maybe this second child was a curse. Her husband was jobless, they could barely send the kids to school. Feeding was difficult. She worked, oh she tried her best, walking over 10km daily selling chemicals to printers
and dry cleaners. The profit was little but at least there was profit. Years went by slowly, things still the same. Three years later she was pregnant again. She prayed this was the right thing to do, have another child. With the arrival of the third, her husband managed to find a job. It didn't pay much but it was better than before. The days of hunger slowly reduced, the chemical business wasn't going too well, age was telling on her. She couldn't walk so far anymore. Her customers reduced. They barely paid the rent, the landlord wasn't making it any easier. The church rented a room for them, the relocated. Three years had passed since the last child. Her husband had found a job somewhere in the island. Things were getting better, she got pregnant and had a boy. Well today, she's in her husband house and no its just a tiny upgrade. Things aren't better. Her husband has the money but he'll rather spend it on people that weren't there when they could
barely feed. She has no job. She does nothing but to stay indoors 24/7. You can hear her crying everyday. Her kids are barely holding on. But he, well he lives comfortably, has the latest shoes, thousands of clothes when she barely has any. She wants to die and I think she should. Cus whats the point really?? Well not every struggle pays. And if it does, i'm still waiting for the day this woman will cry tears of joy. Time is ticking Dear God...

New Look. Still once upon a dream.

My blog is wearing a new look.its now colourful and cheerful. I have successfully transited from the dark side to the white side.. And I have a new header too. Its still me tho. :-) love my two followers. Lol :* i havent blogged in a long while..

May 21 2011 -----Judgement Day..

Prophecies, predictions, What to call it? I dont know. A thousand articles written, printed out materials, pamphlets, tshirts, bill boards, widely spread all over the world notifying people on the unravelled mystery about the world ending in a couple of days. The speculation of the world ending on the 21st has being received with different views. Some think its a joke, some dont. What to believe? You might think this is total nonsense but lookin at the facts laid down one would surely have a rethink. According to a pamphlet in union square, there has been numerological proof supporting the claim of the end of the world.

.
According to 1st Genesis 7:4 when GOD warned Noah about the storm HE was sendind to destroy the earth, 'seven days from now, I will send rain on the earth for forty days and forty nights and I will wipe from the face of the earth every living creature I have made.' HE was refering to seven days and seven thousand years because 'one day is with the LORD as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day' The flood occured in 4990BC, seven thousand years later is 2011.

proof two according to the pamphlet was the difference btw the crucifixion and May 21 2011 which is exactly 722500 days. 722500 is significant because its composed of 5x10x17x5x10x17
5 signifies redemption, 10 signifies completion, 17 signifies heaven.

According to another article, the world tribulation will end on the 21st of October which is the feast of tabernacle and feast of ingathering. And according to Exodus 34vs22 the feast of ingathering was referred to as the end of the world..

. In arguement, the Bible also says that the coming of the LORD will be unknown to man.

We'll have to wait with our fingers crossed but does it hurt to live right? No it doesn't. In anticipation I'll advice we try our best to get closer to God and try to live our life well and ask for mercy every minute because we all know in the Bible, Noah tried to warn the people about the destruction of the earth and we all know what happened after his warnings were ridiculed and the world was destroyed. Would this happen again??




For detailed info visit www.familyradio.com

First name : love last name : out of my league.

Mushy is bad for my health. I know it so I got drunk. Love drunk. Drunk off love. Watching the love those two share, got me drunk. But love is out of my league. Way way out. I know it but dont we always want what we cant get? I wonder if am ever enough of anything. Am I enough to love and be loved. I doubt it. So i take another sip of the chilled beer of love. I'll sneak up and watch people love from a distance. I'll pray they never feel this hollow, i'll pray they stay happy and in love, i'll pray they never have a taste of this beer. I'll stay drunk for them, because thats what i can afford, love is far too out of my league. A toast to love. To those that love and let love live. Its a wonderful feeling. Thats what they say. Am sure it is, its so famous, talked about, a general language. It has to be fabulous, special. But until then, until I am enough of anything, Until love knocks at my door, until I love someone and until someone loves me. Till another soul feels the need to occupy my body. I'll keep a bottle in hand, and keep drinking. Because thats what i have, and i'll want what i have and stay satisfied with not having what I want. A toast To love.

...scenes from my memory...

He looked at me dead in the eyes. Looking so calm and peace like he always did, took my hand in his and he asked, 'Are you with someone?' I said 'yes' he said 'who is he?' I said. Its not a he, its a me. I'm with my self. Loving my self. I'm in a relationship with my self. Strenghtening the bond I have with my self.' he looked at me and smiled at me. Two weeks later, He asked again 'are you with someone?' I said 'Yes. Self love' 'You're being selfish.' was all he said as calmly as ever. I paused, Was I really? He begged, let me in. Lets love together. Let me love you. No I couldn't. I couldn't. I cant love another when i dont love my self. So i kissed him, looked into his eyes and said. 'i'll love me. I'll learn the best way to love me. Then i'll do you a favour and teach you how to. If you pass or if you fail. I'll have the pleasure of knowing I taught you what I learnt. So let me learn and my knowledge will be shared with you once and done. He smiled and kissed me back.

'Oh wow'

'Keep it all inside. Keep it all bottled up. Nobody has to know. Nobody can help, nobody can feel the pain, nobody will understand' I say these words to myself over and over. Trying to forget it all. Trying to stop the tears, but its not helping because I want to talk to someone, I want someone to understand. But thats all i'll ever have the 'want' and nothing more. So I shut up, I smile, I laugh, I look cheerful, I sing, I dance. I Look young and happy and delightful, full of life. But I'm wretched inside, old and decaying, sorry and pitiful, Sorrowful, depressed. But no i'll keep it all bottled inside because nobody will understand. But on days I cant hide it, when it has to be written all over my face, hunting me, killing me softly. Those days I want to be left alone. I lock the world out, I swim alone, in my sorrow. I lavish in it, alone. And when someone pretends to care, and asks 'whats wrong?' I smile and say I'm fine. Oh But I am. I really am fine with my sorrows. I wouldn't share them because nobody has anything to offer, nobody can say what i dont already know. 'it'll be fine. Its ok. Dont think about it.' Please. I know all these i've heard them a million times endlessly, And i still await the 'fine' moment. Its not here yet. It'll never make it here. So yes i'm fine thanks for bothering. And when the fellow persists. 'tell me whats wrong. I might be of help.' I refuse the first, the second, the third time. And on the fourth I speak, I watch you listen, you're just curious. The great taste of bad news is all you want to savour. But i tell it anyways, and watch your face go blank. Now can you help me? Can you? No you surely cant. You're satisfied. What do you have to offer. 'Oh Wow' is all you can say. Oh wow. Did i tell you I needed to hear 'oh wow' I could 'oh wow' my self a billion times over. Yes 'oh wow' your curiousity has been fed. You have nothing to offer. I dont need your 'oh wow' I dont need your sympathy, I dont need you to hold my hands. I can do that myself. I can pat my own back, kiss my own hands and tell my self. 'oh wow, it'll be ok.' So when I say i'm fine. And I smile, and i tell you not to worry. Believe I'm fine. And i dont need you to worry. Because a true friend doesn't need me to look gloomy before knowing something is wrong. So yes i'm fine my dear past time activity. Because thats what you are. Not a friend, an activity to distract my self from the cruel world. To make my self believe, it's fine. It always is. Dont say i'm bad or hateful or rude or mean. Dont say that. No you dont need to if you cant change me. You haven't seen life through my eyes. You know nothing about me. So yes dear activity, i'm fine. And i always will be till the day i die. So dont 'oh wow' me. I dont want it. I dont need it.

Why cant you just read my mind and know what i want to type? :|

Second week. -Disappearing.

And that ends my first week. Yes! I did it! I stayed off twitter for a week. It wasn't easy though. I was tempted a lot but i didnt give in. And am glad. Now am heading into week two, which is supposed to be in progress but for the fact that mtn is mtn. So week two is going to be week disappearing. First let me go into details on how last week went. It really was heartbreaking not being able to tweet. I was excessively bored. Facebook was boring. I couldn't look for trouble. It was hell for an addict like me but i pulled through and am glad i did.
Things i had planned to do last week.; go to school all through the week. I couldn't do that sadly. Thursday was paul's birthday. I dedicated my day to him, and entire facebook wall. It was hilarious because people thought i was the one celebrating. I think paul liked it too. I made him a collage and blogged. Yeah. He had to like it, am glad he did. :D And on friday, *sigh* one hell of a day. Spent over eight hours in traffic. Visited a friend, it was cool. I just had to visit someone that day, i had to break loose from this jungle am stuck, i was practically going crazy, and the retardedness of these people was overwhelming (it still is tho) and probably contagious, so i just wanted to go see a friend and i wanted to go alone. I had other scared reasons though and all my needs were met (that is all i'll say). So yeah back to saturday. Elections kept me indoors and they cancelled it at last, talk about a disorganized bunch, they really didnt have any reasonable reason or excuse as far as am concerned, its just another rigging scheme, another tactic to manipulate and disrupt the whole thing. Nigerians are watching with their eyes wide open. I pray to God that the best man wins. Amen. (is that why we're here? No!) and thats my first week. Fun without twitter. There were bad days but the good days overshadowed those.

Week 2: disappearing. Yeah am vanishing. No calls, no texts (except mtn. Lol) no tweeting, no facebook and def no blogging. Me and me. Alone! Yeah, and probably with my maths textbook and my bible. I'll drown in that to pass time and know God more. I need to study too. I'll try to reach class in time, be on my own during lessons, no unnecessary chit chats. This is going to be hard but i pray i succeed. I will. Why? Cus am an achiever! And off i go to my little jungle in pure solitude and isolation and i smell some soliloquy on the way. Miss me if you can :* D i s a p p e a r i n g in 10 . . . . . 9 . . . . . . 8 . . . . . . .7 . . . . . . .6 . . . . . . . . .5 . . . . . . . 4 . . . . . . . . . 3 . . . . . . .2 . . . . . . . 1.

Confused

Love is but a dream (3)

I was impatient. We still didnt know who had sent me the gifts. Well, the way i acted in school changed because i was conscious of the fact that someone was watching me.
A week after valentine, I finally discovered who had sent me the gifts. I was in class, trying to work out an assignment when someone came and sat beside me. I didnt look to see who it was till he said 'hi, remember me?' I couldn't believe my eyes, i recognized him from the other day we met. 'waoh kunle right?' i said giving him my 100watts smile. 'you remember my name. Amazing.' he sounded suprised. I didnt know much boys so i had no cause to forget the ones i had met. 'yeah, we met the other day. I dont forget people.' I almost stuttered. (i get like that around boys)
he smiled at me, he was really goodlooking up close but what was he doing in admin. All the way from environmental. 'you're not only pretty, you're also smart.' he was still smiling at me. Waoh, i wasn't experienced at this. I just whispered a 'thank you' and wanted to take it back almost immediately.
'so what are you doing here?' i asked, pretending to concentrate on my book. 'i came to see you' he said. That took me by surprise. 'me?' i half laughed. 'what for?' i inquired. I was really trying to contain my curiousity. Maybe Jesse sent him. OMG! Am not over Jesse. Or maybe he just wants help with an assignment. Environmental and admin. No. It couldn't be an assignment.
'well, i thought it was high time i showed up cus a lil birdie said you were searching frantically for me' whats this one saying. I thought. Who's looking for you. 'huh, i dont understand you?' i moved my books aside. This was way more interesting.
'you dont?' he looked baffled. Like i was joking.
'i dont.' i said
'you do' he insisted.
'sorry, am lost here' i said politely.
'ok then. I sent you those gifts on val remember? Am sure you got alot of gifts but mine was the anonymous one.' he said winking at me. Now i understood. It was him. And he was right, i was searching for him.
Well, thats how we became friends. He was really charming. I liked him. But he soon wanted more from me. I didnt want to date him. I didnt have any particular reason, i just didnt. At least not yet. Well, soon Jesse showed up, he was still as beautiful as i could remember. Then i became friends with him too since i was close to kunle. It was all new to me. Boy friends, choi! i never had those. My roommates practically trained me on how to handle boys so that i wont seem stupid.

Kunle didnt understand why i didnt want to date him. Even I didnt have any reason to give him. He had no flaws, i was just fronting basically and i was enjoying it. My tiny crush for Jesse was still there. And i liked him a lot too. But i didnt expect what happened next. He started buying me gifts, expensive gifts, he'ld call me, text me. Every minute all the time. I couldn't tell kunle i didnt want to sound desperate for attention or just plain stupid so I told Rachel instead.
'jesse's always buzzin my phone. Its annoying sometimes' i began.
'maybe he's just checkin on you' she said strugglin with her lipgloss.
'you think. I cant tell him to stop am not used to so much attention' i really wasn't.
'its nothing jo. Are you already dating the black bear?' she asked smiling at me.
'who's that again' i asked confused and lost.
'kunle now' i laughed so he was now called the black bear by my room mates.
'nope, i dont want to' i said nonchalantly flipping through a textbook.
'why now?' she asked looking worried.
'nothing. I dont just feel like'
'see, you dont play with boys like that o. Answer him else am single and so ready to mingle'
i laughed at her. She was right though. Am a fresher and this boy was in his final year. I kept thinking about it.

kunle asked me about Jesse. I said he was just imagining things nothing was going on. One fateful day, jesse kissed me. Kunle had kissed me before but Jesse's kiss was heavenly. Like the first kiss i always wanted. I asked him why he did that, He knew about kunle and I and kissing me was wrong but he said. 'its up to you babe. Decide, me or him' its up to me? Me!? How am i supposed to decide, am confused, am trapped between two friends. I couldn't tell jesse no, he was my white monkey, the one i liked from the first day. He was caring, he had my time, he was everything i wanted. But kunle, he was also caring, my black bear, i liked him too. He was the first to make a move, he took his time to know me, he waited months watching me. He remembered me on valentine, (unlike jesse), he was smart and gentle. But jesse was the bad boy, and bad boys have a way of melting hearts, jesse drinks and clubs, but he's still quite charming. And i liked him first. And when he kissed me, i enjoyed it so much than i'ld like to admit. Now am confused, the white ape or the black bear?.....


*the end*

Faces of me.

well, i still dont get my attraction to taking pictures upside down. :|

Love is but a dream (2)

'you wish. I am not giving you a dime' i said, poking my tongue at Julie.
'shayo girl. I saw the way you were looking at jesse tho.' ah so rachel noticed too. Well, i guess i wasn't that tactic in hiding it.
'the fair one?' dami asked.
'Yes' rachel answered.
'ta! The boy is too fake jo. He looks like he is bleaching and his fake accent, thats the one you saw to stare at he looked like a white ape to me' they all laughed but that wasn't funny, i was quick to defend jesse. I didn't know why but i did.
'Dammy! Shut up there jo, he's not bleaching. Cant you tell when you see someone that's bleaching? And i dont think his accent is fake. Leave him alone. He's cute.'
'she's already tripping for him sha. See our little Aisha telling me to shut up. If i land you correct slap ehn' I had looked for Dami's trouble.
'dont mind her. Alhaja Aisha' rachel teased.
'stop calling me that!' i half screamed.
'you want to beat me?' Rachel kept on teasing me. 'No. Leave her. With her toothpick legs' Dami said.
'you people now want to fight in public? Me am going o.' Julie got up. 'where is this one going? Chill now? Lets go together.'

Well all through that day they picked on me. And then they started calling me mrs white ape. I went to bed happy, with Jesse's image locked in my memory. I thought i'ld dream about him that night but i didnt. All through the week, i kind of expected to bump into him somewhere in school but i never did. I soon got over my 7days crush on the unknown white ape. School went on, all the stress and tests and assignments and days you just dont want to do anything. School was boring for a few months till 'the month' came along. February. I wasn't a big fan of valentine. Past years, i spent my val days with my dad, we'ld eat chocolate and share jokes together. The whole school was tense. Boutiques had gone red. It was just another day to me. Well, february 14 came, i called my dad, we talked for a while. Rachel, Dami, and Julie had a party to attend. They invited me, i said no. I'ld just stay in the room and chill with mr. Felix (my teddy bear) the girls left. The hostel was so almost empty that night. Some girls were screaming outside though. I was in my room, playing John Legend on my i-pod wearing a big t-shirt and reading hamlet.. They never came back that night, i didnt expect them to. The potters would have locked the gates.
The hostel was filled up the next morning. The noise, the screaming was what woke me up. Amazingly, my girls came back with a lot of gifts, i was a tad jealous no gifts for me. They kept talking about the party and how much i missed. Julie got a wristwatch, and chocolates. She was disappointed, she wanted an ipad, well Dami got very nice shoes, and a jewelry box. It was so cute and i was so jealous. She screamed, she jumped she danced and Rachel told her to shut up. Rachel had been quiet, she was busy unpacking her bag which was quite filled up.
'so what did you get?' i asked her.
'uh. . . Am ipad, a blackberry and there's this other bag i dont know where it came from' i was so shocked.
'why aren't you screaming?' i asked her. 'stupid girl! She got what i wanted.' julie murmured angrily. 'dont hate now.' Dami muttered with a mouth full of chocolate.
'why would i be screaming?' Rachel hissed. She still looked worried and was struggling with a bag.
'if it was me i'ld scream my head off.' i said grabbing a chocolate from dami.
'well scream at this' rachel said throwing the bag at me.
'whats this noW?' I asked confused and staring blankly at the bag.
'i dont know. It has your name on it. It was with my gift'
'open it lets see' julie was already standing behind me peeping curiously. I was still turning the bag in my hand. My name was really on it. Who remembered me? Whats inside? I wondered.
'who sent it?' Dami asked. Still munching.
'iono it wasn't in my bag. Probably when we went to dance someone put it there. Are you going to open it or you want to keep turning it till a genie pops out?' rachel snorted at me.
'yes now, i want a genie to pop out. Who could have sent it?'
'its alhaji sule' julie joked. Grabbing the package from me.
'shut up and give it back' i tried to grab it from her but she was already opening it.
'wow look at this.' she pulled out a tiny stuffed pink bunny. 'am taking that,' rachel jumped up from her bed and grabbed it from Juliet.

The bag contained an ipad, a box of heart shared chocolate, a wrist watch and a card. There was no name on the card.**

Love is but a Dream (1)

I was glad, to finally be in school. I had waited two years, written series of exams, read all the books i could so i was happy when i finally got admitted into a university. My father was a very stern man, he never believed in bribery or private schools he believed in merit and i had waited two years till i finally got a favour from merit. Well, i was in school already and that was all that mattered. I wanted to focus and study as hard as i could. I was the girl nobody knew. I had never had a boyfriend and i was 18, well i never told anybody that though because i knew they'ld act like it was some kind of disease. So i just kept it to myself.
I stayed in my room most of the time when i didnt have classes with my crazy room mates, we had nothing in common but we got along well. We had Rachel, the outgoing one. Rachel never missed any party in school, at first i didnt like her but then i noticed besides her bad addiction to parties she was actually very studious, she was funny and nice. She was one of the popular girls in school. So she supplied us with quality gists fresh.
There was Dami, the loud one, she was always getting into fights with girls in other rooms. I never looked for her trouble after one occasion when she beat up Belle a girl from the room opposite ours because she had taken her toaster without permission and hadn't returned it. Well i cant fight, and i dont cherish bruises so i just stay as far as i can. Then there was Julie she was also a fresher like me, (Dami and Rachel were final year students.) she was also lousy, very popular for her affairs with boys in school. Well, guess you figured i was the quiet, goody two shoes in the room.
It all started one day, my adventure into the unknown world, the world that only existed in fairy tales. We were out on rag day, everybody had costumes on except me, i didnt like the idea of dressing like a mad person and begging on the streets. Besides, my dad warned me against it. So i was with my room mates, we were all walking together around the school. It was quite fun, we were taking pictures, Julie was cracking her silly jokes, Rachel was singing and dancing and making good money. I was the photographer. After a couple of hours under the hot sun, we were all tired and sweaty and very hungry so we later put money together and decided to buy a big bowl of icecream and share it together. We went into the closest restaurant we spotted and got our icecream, Rachel insisted we all sat at the centre of the restaurant we all sat at the table and descended on the icecream, we made a lot of noise and drew a lot of attention as we fought over the icecream, my normal reserved attitude had disappeared so i even threw in a few jokes and laughed loud. Then Julie started. 'Oh boy, you guys carefully turn 9 o'clock. Check out those boys.'
'i dont think they're from our school' Dami observed, carefully staring at the boys. I also looked. Those boys were hot, they were three, tall and dark was all i could notice before i quickly turned my face away before they noticed us staring. When it was Rachel's turn to look, she screamed. 'ahan now, are girls dull ni, they're from our school now. 400 level archy boys. I know the one in the middle. Thats Michel i think' and then she shouted his name. Me, Dami and Julie were quite shocked. Everybody was staring at us now. I didnt even look to see if the boy answered i just focused on my icecream like my whole life depended on it. I was wondering if Rachel had forgotten she was wearing rags. Well the boy answered her. And Rachel being Rachel, she didnt stand up, so the three boys stood up and walked to where we sat. I was nervous o. They were so tall and recklessly handsome. I didnt look up. Until they said hello. They they shook our hands. I got my eyes on the second one. (i had numbered them in my mind) he was fair, he had dimples and an accent. His name was Jesse. The third one was dark, had nice set of teeth and very lovely eyes. His name was Kunle. We all introduced our selves. And the boys offered to buy us more icecream which we declined. They joked about Rachel's costumes. I kept quiet all through though. They had that effect on me. Especially Jesse. I kept staring at him. After he caught me a few times. I stopped and focused on my nails. Well the boys left. We all said our goodbyes and customary 'nice to meet you'.
'mehn, did you see how the dark one was checking aisha out?' it was Dami. She was always bringing up stuffs like that. But he wasn't checking me out, i would have noticed, well maybe i didn't cus i was busy staring at Jesse.
'he wasn't jo. You've started.' i said.
'i think he was too' julie added her own.
'Lie! The both of you are high' i didnt mind though. He was also handsome. But he wasn't jesse. I laughed at my self, mumu the boy didnot even notice you.
'how would she know, ode when she was busy gulping down the icecream' that was Rachel.
'abi! You're going to pay me back'

Its the way i feel.

That feeling of emptiness, when you feel like nothing is going right. Like all your efforts are wasted. Like you're just a waste yourself and all your dreams are shattered before your very eyes. Well, thats how i feel now.
Am sitting here, shivering but too lazy to put off the fan. Hungry, but too lazy to eat. I want the world to go on without me. I feel invisible already. I feel like nobody sees me. I feel like my life is a lie. I feel my life is an unpleasant movie, am patiently awaiting the last scenes, am patiently awaiting a voice that'll scream 'CUT!' and end it all. Well, i might just continue with the lie, the perfect, happy girl on the outside. The girl that always has a smile for everyone. Its best that way, i'll just keep it bottled in. Well corked and kept far away where nobody can reach. I guess i'll just continue with this fantasy. Who knows how the real world is? Now am praying there's never a 'CUT!'. Now am praying noone finds out what i really feel. Now am praying the world stops for me to have this moment. Now am going to dress in my best and accessorize with my biggest smile. Because now i realize, what would be left of me? If the whole world knows whats wrong? I'll lose my privacy. Thats what am going to hold on to. My problems are not bigger than me. We all have our problems, as unpleasant as we think it is, it is what makes us unique, it is what makes us who we are. Thats what i think. Thats how i feel.


x.o.x.o.
There's enough love in the world.

Destiny. . .

I asked of destiny . . .

'tell me who with relentless hand pushes me on?'

Destiny told me to look behind.

I turned and saw my own self behind pushing forward the self infront.