Confused

Love is but a dream (3)

I was impatient. We still didnt know who had sent me the gifts. Well, the way i acted in school changed because i was conscious of the fact that someone was watching me.
A week after valentine, I finally discovered who had sent me the gifts. I was in class, trying to work out an assignment when someone came and sat beside me. I didnt look to see who it was till he said 'hi, remember me?' I couldn't believe my eyes, i recognized him from the other day we met. 'waoh kunle right?' i said giving him my 100watts smile. 'you remember my name. Amazing.' he sounded suprised. I didnt know much boys so i had no cause to forget the ones i had met. 'yeah, we met the other day. I dont forget people.' I almost stuttered. (i get like that around boys)
he smiled at me, he was really goodlooking up close but what was he doing in admin. All the way from environmental. 'you're not only pretty, you're also smart.' he was still smiling at me. Waoh, i wasn't experienced at this. I just whispered a 'thank you' and wanted to take it back almost immediately.
'so what are you doing here?' i asked, pretending to concentrate on my book. 'i came to see you' he said. That took me by surprise. 'me?' i half laughed. 'what for?' i inquired. I was really trying to contain my curiousity. Maybe Jesse sent him. OMG! Am not over Jesse. Or maybe he just wants help with an assignment. Environmental and admin. No. It couldn't be an assignment.
'well, i thought it was high time i showed up cus a lil birdie said you were searching frantically for me' whats this one saying. I thought. Who's looking for you. 'huh, i dont understand you?' i moved my books aside. This was way more interesting.
'you dont?' he looked baffled. Like i was joking.
'i dont.' i said
'you do' he insisted.
'sorry, am lost here' i said politely.
'ok then. I sent you those gifts on val remember? Am sure you got alot of gifts but mine was the anonymous one.' he said winking at me. Now i understood. It was him. And he was right, i was searching for him.
Well, thats how we became friends. He was really charming. I liked him. But he soon wanted more from me. I didnt want to date him. I didnt have any particular reason, i just didnt. At least not yet. Well, soon Jesse showed up, he was still as beautiful as i could remember. Then i became friends with him too since i was close to kunle. It was all new to me. Boy friends, choi! i never had those. My roommates practically trained me on how to handle boys so that i wont seem stupid.

Kunle didnt understand why i didnt want to date him. Even I didnt have any reason to give him. He had no flaws, i was just fronting basically and i was enjoying it. My tiny crush for Jesse was still there. And i liked him a lot too. But i didnt expect what happened next. He started buying me gifts, expensive gifts, he'ld call me, text me. Every minute all the time. I couldn't tell kunle i didnt want to sound desperate for attention or just plain stupid so I told Rachel instead.
'jesse's always buzzin my phone. Its annoying sometimes' i began.
'maybe he's just checkin on you' she said strugglin with her lipgloss.
'you think. I cant tell him to stop am not used to so much attention' i really wasn't.
'its nothing jo. Are you already dating the black bear?' she asked smiling at me.
'who's that again' i asked confused and lost.
'kunle now' i laughed so he was now called the black bear by my room mates.
'nope, i dont want to' i said nonchalantly flipping through a textbook.
'why now?' she asked looking worried.
'nothing. I dont just feel like'
'see, you dont play with boys like that o. Answer him else am single and so ready to mingle'
i laughed at her. She was right though. Am a fresher and this boy was in his final year. I kept thinking about it.

kunle asked me about Jesse. I said he was just imagining things nothing was going on. One fateful day, jesse kissed me. Kunle had kissed me before but Jesse's kiss was heavenly. Like the first kiss i always wanted. I asked him why he did that, He knew about kunle and I and kissing me was wrong but he said. 'its up to you babe. Decide, me or him' its up to me? Me!? How am i supposed to decide, am confused, am trapped between two friends. I couldn't tell jesse no, he was my white monkey, the one i liked from the first day. He was caring, he had my time, he was everything i wanted. But kunle, he was also caring, my black bear, i liked him too. He was the first to make a move, he took his time to know me, he waited months watching me. He remembered me on valentine, (unlike jesse), he was smart and gentle. But jesse was the bad boy, and bad boys have a way of melting hearts, jesse drinks and clubs, but he's still quite charming. And i liked him first. And when he kissed me, i enjoyed it so much than i'ld like to admit. Now am confused, the white ape or the black bear?.....


*the end*

Faces of me.

well, i still dont get my attraction to taking pictures upside down. :|

Love is but a dream (2)

'you wish. I am not giving you a dime' i said, poking my tongue at Julie.
'shayo girl. I saw the way you were looking at jesse tho.' ah so rachel noticed too. Well, i guess i wasn't that tactic in hiding it.
'the fair one?' dami asked.
'Yes' rachel answered.
'ta! The boy is too fake jo. He looks like he is bleaching and his fake accent, thats the one you saw to stare at he looked like a white ape to me' they all laughed but that wasn't funny, i was quick to defend jesse. I didn't know why but i did.
'Dammy! Shut up there jo, he's not bleaching. Cant you tell when you see someone that's bleaching? And i dont think his accent is fake. Leave him alone. He's cute.'
'she's already tripping for him sha. See our little Aisha telling me to shut up. If i land you correct slap ehn' I had looked for Dami's trouble.
'dont mind her. Alhaja Aisha' rachel teased.
'stop calling me that!' i half screamed.
'you want to beat me?' Rachel kept on teasing me. 'No. Leave her. With her toothpick legs' Dami said.
'you people now want to fight in public? Me am going o.' Julie got up. 'where is this one going? Chill now? Lets go together.'

Well all through that day they picked on me. And then they started calling me mrs white ape. I went to bed happy, with Jesse's image locked in my memory. I thought i'ld dream about him that night but i didnt. All through the week, i kind of expected to bump into him somewhere in school but i never did. I soon got over my 7days crush on the unknown white ape. School went on, all the stress and tests and assignments and days you just dont want to do anything. School was boring for a few months till 'the month' came along. February. I wasn't a big fan of valentine. Past years, i spent my val days with my dad, we'ld eat chocolate and share jokes together. The whole school was tense. Boutiques had gone red. It was just another day to me. Well, february 14 came, i called my dad, we talked for a while. Rachel, Dami, and Julie had a party to attend. They invited me, i said no. I'ld just stay in the room and chill with mr. Felix (my teddy bear) the girls left. The hostel was so almost empty that night. Some girls were screaming outside though. I was in my room, playing John Legend on my i-pod wearing a big t-shirt and reading hamlet.. They never came back that night, i didnt expect them to. The potters would have locked the gates.
The hostel was filled up the next morning. The noise, the screaming was what woke me up. Amazingly, my girls came back with a lot of gifts, i was a tad jealous no gifts for me. They kept talking about the party and how much i missed. Julie got a wristwatch, and chocolates. She was disappointed, she wanted an ipad, well Dami got very nice shoes, and a jewelry box. It was so cute and i was so jealous. She screamed, she jumped she danced and Rachel told her to shut up. Rachel had been quiet, she was busy unpacking her bag which was quite filled up.
'so what did you get?' i asked her.
'uh. . . Am ipad, a blackberry and there's this other bag i dont know where it came from' i was so shocked.
'why aren't you screaming?' i asked her. 'stupid girl! She got what i wanted.' julie murmured angrily. 'dont hate now.' Dami muttered with a mouth full of chocolate.
'why would i be screaming?' Rachel hissed. She still looked worried and was struggling with a bag.
'if it was me i'ld scream my head off.' i said grabbing a chocolate from dami.
'well scream at this' rachel said throwing the bag at me.
'whats this noW?' I asked confused and staring blankly at the bag.
'i dont know. It has your name on it. It was with my gift'
'open it lets see' julie was already standing behind me peeping curiously. I was still turning the bag in my hand. My name was really on it. Who remembered me? Whats inside? I wondered.
'who sent it?' Dami asked. Still munching.
'iono it wasn't in my bag. Probably when we went to dance someone put it there. Are you going to open it or you want to keep turning it till a genie pops out?' rachel snorted at me.
'yes now, i want a genie to pop out. Who could have sent it?'
'its alhaji sule' julie joked. Grabbing the package from me.
'shut up and give it back' i tried to grab it from her but she was already opening it.
'wow look at this.' she pulled out a tiny stuffed pink bunny. 'am taking that,' rachel jumped up from her bed and grabbed it from Juliet.

The bag contained an ipad, a box of heart shared chocolate, a wrist watch and a card. There was no name on the card.**

Love is but a Dream (1)

I was glad, to finally be in school. I had waited two years, written series of exams, read all the books i could so i was happy when i finally got admitted into a university. My father was a very stern man, he never believed in bribery or private schools he believed in merit and i had waited two years till i finally got a favour from merit. Well, i was in school already and that was all that mattered. I wanted to focus and study as hard as i could. I was the girl nobody knew. I had never had a boyfriend and i was 18, well i never told anybody that though because i knew they'ld act like it was some kind of disease. So i just kept it to myself.
I stayed in my room most of the time when i didnt have classes with my crazy room mates, we had nothing in common but we got along well. We had Rachel, the outgoing one. Rachel never missed any party in school, at first i didnt like her but then i noticed besides her bad addiction to parties she was actually very studious, she was funny and nice. She was one of the popular girls in school. So she supplied us with quality gists fresh.
There was Dami, the loud one, she was always getting into fights with girls in other rooms. I never looked for her trouble after one occasion when she beat up Belle a girl from the room opposite ours because she had taken her toaster without permission and hadn't returned it. Well i cant fight, and i dont cherish bruises so i just stay as far as i can. Then there was Julie she was also a fresher like me, (Dami and Rachel were final year students.) she was also lousy, very popular for her affairs with boys in school. Well, guess you figured i was the quiet, goody two shoes in the room.
It all started one day, my adventure into the unknown world, the world that only existed in fairy tales. We were out on rag day, everybody had costumes on except me, i didnt like the idea of dressing like a mad person and begging on the streets. Besides, my dad warned me against it. So i was with my room mates, we were all walking together around the school. It was quite fun, we were taking pictures, Julie was cracking her silly jokes, Rachel was singing and dancing and making good money. I was the photographer. After a couple of hours under the hot sun, we were all tired and sweaty and very hungry so we later put money together and decided to buy a big bowl of icecream and share it together. We went into the closest restaurant we spotted and got our icecream, Rachel insisted we all sat at the centre of the restaurant we all sat at the table and descended on the icecream, we made a lot of noise and drew a lot of attention as we fought over the icecream, my normal reserved attitude had disappeared so i even threw in a few jokes and laughed loud. Then Julie started. 'Oh boy, you guys carefully turn 9 o'clock. Check out those boys.'
'i dont think they're from our school' Dami observed, carefully staring at the boys. I also looked. Those boys were hot, they were three, tall and dark was all i could notice before i quickly turned my face away before they noticed us staring. When it was Rachel's turn to look, she screamed. 'ahan now, are girls dull ni, they're from our school now. 400 level archy boys. I know the one in the middle. Thats Michel i think' and then she shouted his name. Me, Dami and Julie were quite shocked. Everybody was staring at us now. I didnt even look to see if the boy answered i just focused on my icecream like my whole life depended on it. I was wondering if Rachel had forgotten she was wearing rags. Well the boy answered her. And Rachel being Rachel, she didnt stand up, so the three boys stood up and walked to where we sat. I was nervous o. They were so tall and recklessly handsome. I didnt look up. Until they said hello. They they shook our hands. I got my eyes on the second one. (i had numbered them in my mind) he was fair, he had dimples and an accent. His name was Jesse. The third one was dark, had nice set of teeth and very lovely eyes. His name was Kunle. We all introduced our selves. And the boys offered to buy us more icecream which we declined. They joked about Rachel's costumes. I kept quiet all through though. They had that effect on me. Especially Jesse. I kept staring at him. After he caught me a few times. I stopped and focused on my nails. Well the boys left. We all said our goodbyes and customary 'nice to meet you'.
'mehn, did you see how the dark one was checking aisha out?' it was Dami. She was always bringing up stuffs like that. But he wasn't checking me out, i would have noticed, well maybe i didn't cus i was busy staring at Jesse.
'he wasn't jo. You've started.' i said.
'i think he was too' julie added her own.
'Lie! The both of you are high' i didnt mind though. He was also handsome. But he wasn't jesse. I laughed at my self, mumu the boy didnot even notice you.
'how would she know, ode when she was busy gulping down the icecream' that was Rachel.
'abi! You're going to pay me back'

Its the way i feel.

That feeling of emptiness, when you feel like nothing is going right. Like all your efforts are wasted. Like you're just a waste yourself and all your dreams are shattered before your very eyes. Well, thats how i feel now.
Am sitting here, shivering but too lazy to put off the fan. Hungry, but too lazy to eat. I want the world to go on without me. I feel invisible already. I feel like nobody sees me. I feel like my life is a lie. I feel my life is an unpleasant movie, am patiently awaiting the last scenes, am patiently awaiting a voice that'll scream 'CUT!' and end it all. Well, i might just continue with the lie, the perfect, happy girl on the outside. The girl that always has a smile for everyone. Its best that way, i'll just keep it bottled in. Well corked and kept far away where nobody can reach. I guess i'll just continue with this fantasy. Who knows how the real world is? Now am praying there's never a 'CUT!'. Now am praying noone finds out what i really feel. Now am praying the world stops for me to have this moment. Now am going to dress in my best and accessorize with my biggest smile. Because now i realize, what would be left of me? If the whole world knows whats wrong? I'll lose my privacy. Thats what am going to hold on to. My problems are not bigger than me. We all have our problems, as unpleasant as we think it is, it is what makes us unique, it is what makes us who we are. Thats what i think. Thats how i feel.


x.o.x.o.
There's enough love in the world.

Destiny. . .

I asked of destiny . . .

'tell me who with relentless hand pushes me on?'

Destiny told me to look behind.

I turned and saw my own self behind pushing forward the self infront.