Who Am I?

No I'm not like every girl. I'm me. You know what makes me different? No you dont. Only I can know that. I'm the kinda girl that never wants anything but I do need everything and I have nothing =>The twist of my mind. I've learnt something this past week. Its easier to be sad than to be happy. At least for me it is. So I choose when to be happy and I'm trying not to cry so often and I'm getting good it and also at hiding my emotions. This past week was revealing. What did I do? Well nothing. I was in my room all through monday. I switched off my phone and laptop. I laid on the floor. And I was there for 24hours. I know right. Thats my life now. Nothing is happening, I'm just drifting. I dont even read anymore. I've read all the novels in the study over three times each. And my textbooks are pretty boring. I went out only once this week. I went to the programmer and tried my hacking skills on some twitter accounts. That didn't go too well though. But
I'll keep trying. :D I cant get arrested by the way. Dont ask why? I dont like bragging. :| well so sunday, thats today I aint doing shit. In bed all day. Ate, slept and now i'm sending emails to my blog. Well my life really is boring. B) I wonder how I stay alive though. I guess you'll never know. I also learnt to appreciate who I am. Thats why i'm sending this mail. Because I have accepted my writing, i'm not trying to be who I aint. Thats what makes me unique innit. I'm me buddies. B)

i'm fine btw.
Just
disappeared.

cheers!!

Whoever said hardwork always pays, lied.

I know a lot of people are braced up and ready to argue with me to death on this, but I'm writing this from my experience in life.
It all started with the baby, that affected her life a whole more than she'll ever admit. Having a child meant going on a maternity leave from work, maybe if she had known she was never coming back, maybe she wouldn't have had the child. It was her second child, five years after the first. The pregnancy hurt, going to work daily was another problem. Her husband barely had enough to feed three, now a fourth member was on its way. She secretly prayed it was a boy. That'll be really nice, having a son for her husband. Maybe then her father will finally agree to their marriage, maybe then her mum will allow her visit or her brother might decide to help them. A boy she hoped for. Well she had a girl and things didn't change, they only got worse. Maybe this second child was a curse. Her husband was jobless, they could barely send the kids to school. Feeding was difficult. She worked, oh she tried her best, walking over 10km daily selling chemicals to printers
and dry cleaners. The profit was little but at least there was profit. Years went by slowly, things still the same. Three years later she was pregnant again. She prayed this was the right thing to do, have another child. With the arrival of the third, her husband managed to find a job. It didn't pay much but it was better than before. The days of hunger slowly reduced, the chemical business wasn't going too well, age was telling on her. She couldn't walk so far anymore. Her customers reduced. They barely paid the rent, the landlord wasn't making it any easier. The church rented a room for them, the relocated. Three years had passed since the last child. Her husband had found a job somewhere in the island. Things were getting better, she got pregnant and had a boy. Well today, she's in her husband house and no its just a tiny upgrade. Things aren't better. Her husband has the money but he'll rather spend it on people that weren't there when they could
barely feed. She has no job. She does nothing but to stay indoors 24/7. You can hear her crying everyday. Her kids are barely holding on. But he, well he lives comfortably, has the latest shoes, thousands of clothes when she barely has any. She wants to die and I think she should. Cus whats the point really?? Well not every struggle pays. And if it does, i'm still waiting for the day this woman will cry tears of joy. Time is ticking Dear God...