Dropped On My A*S*S

These titles just come to me, I really dont know what I'm about to type but I really hope it matches the title.
And I Finally have 6 followers *sigh* -_- Thanks to y'all. God bless.

I feel like blogging is going to make my death worthwhile. Dont understand it so I cant explain why.



This month has fed me full with disappointments, I haven't blogged because I'm trying not to cry over anything. I'm being optimistic like Platoziwitc (imaginary friend) taught me to. But life hasn't been fair to me. I've prayed, I've been a really good girl but it's like failure and unhappiness are stalking me. I'm even beginning to believe my life is pointless again. I hope Platoziwitc doesn't read this. Its hard to explain anything, the dream is there, the passion is there, but something always goes wrong. I console myself with the saying 'failure draws you nearer to success' I wonder how far this success is tho, I'm aging by day if Mr. Success doesn't know so when am I finally going to be drawn to success. When!? How am I sure I'm even being drawn by the right rope of failure ( all gibberish, if you ask me). I'm confused, one minute I give up, the next I'm hoping and praying again. I just failed the fifth time, the fucking fifth time! I tried I swear I did, but its like I'm not trying hard. But I am. All the no sleeps, the extra work, nothing came out of it. Just one more record of failure (I need a drink).

And then there's the issue I try to pretend isn't there, loneliness. I'm effin lonely, I dont have any friends anywhere. I could go a month without receiving any phone call not even one or even a text message, I could keep tweeting till forever without getting one single reply. I went off twitter for a month and got only 6 mentions. Only four people noticed my absence. Like seriously tho! What am I? Everybody's +1 friend. Its so unpleasant. And to think I'm going through all these emotional suicidal moments with only I and God (Thats if God still listens to me anymore) alone. I need a friend as much as I hate to admit it. And this blog would probably be just another. Nobody reads them. *sigh* I'm used to being dropped on my a*s*s. Over and over again, nobody listens, I've become a shadow, they know I'm there but they dont care . I mean do you care about shadows? Nope, na No! You totally dont, nobody does. I'm a shadow now.

Then there's the boy I like (*kmt*) dont even wanna go there right now, else I'll cry and wish I was pretty and I'd wish I had all the pretty things and I'd wish I cared about girly stuff because thats the kinda girl he wants, thats the kinda girl everybody wants, and I'm far from the girl of his dreams. I'm the girl of nobody's dreams (deep breath) :o) oh well, the smile hides it all.


And I didn't cry while typing this too.
(totally useless post btw maybe when I die people would read this. Who knows?)